So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
