first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can