I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've blown a few things in my day
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together