My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special