I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug