i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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