I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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