There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
