im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
