you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
