plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
