My first STD was from a foam party
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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