I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it's like iHOP with fire
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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