And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sarcasm needs its own font
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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