i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
