I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
