I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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