Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
