we're blogging at a bar
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
