the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
