he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
