Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This house was built for laser tag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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