Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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