I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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