8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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