i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
