As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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