If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
