I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
