Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
