guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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