Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
