I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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