I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
