If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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