oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
