U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
