i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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