mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
