Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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