We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
