But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
