I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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