Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
