he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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