Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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