I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
