Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
