im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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