i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
