I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Randomize
