My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
