Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
