So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
