Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
