if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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