The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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