I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
