dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
