Your tits are I can't wait for
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
