Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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