Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
