if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
