Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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