We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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