hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
