you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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