Porn is love you can see.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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