whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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