i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
