I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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