I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
