pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
