Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
