i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
