I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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