mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
