How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize