i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
