Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
